Posts Tagged ‘futurama’

HATING LA – via Futurama

As we’ve established, Los Angeles – like all cities – does have good and bad points. That said, it’s simply in every resident and visitor’s best interest to learn how to handle themselves properly. In my grandmother’s generation, it was common Angeleno knowledge that the very best way to divert the ravenous, wandering packs of gun-toting pre-teens that wander like gypsies through our city (see clip above) was just to tell them to sit down while you go and make them a sandwich and then head for cover as they impatiently waited to be served. But times have changed and so have ten year olds.

According to our sources, in 2009 a better technique is to carry a book – any book – with you in case the gang is female. When the rabid little girl gang approaches, hide the cover of the book from them and pretend to be reading. Suddenly scream out “OMIGOD! I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT THIS UNRELEASED TWILIGHT BOOK BEFORE EVERYBODY ELSE!” and in your excitement, throw the book skyward INTO THE OTHER DIRECTION. Run. Do not look back. You do not want to see what armed little girls will do to each other to get that book.

If the gang is all boys, the sandwich thing still works like gold. For a mixed group, sandwiches and books, in that order. Be safe out there, Los Angeles.